


White Wall

by puppykihyun



Series: Monsta X Winter Bingo [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Monsta X Bingo, Platonic Cuddling, Writer's Block
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 12:11:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10386375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppykihyun/pseuds/puppykihyun
Summary: Jooheon can't focus on writing a love song when he's never been in love; Jooheon definitely can't focus on writing a love song when the closest feeling he's ever felt to love is unrequited.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Iva and Iri for reading over this for me and giving me a few tips on characterization and for pointing out my mistakes. Your help means a lot to me! <3

Jooheon sighs deeply as he lays down on his bed inside his room. He had spent all day trying to write for their next album with Changkyun and Hoseok but he still couldn't seem to find the proper inspiration or motivation for his music. Hitting a writing block was always one of the most frustrating things for him to deal with, the only thing that ever made it worse was seeing the people around him making progress and excelling while he was stuck at a road block. He's been stuck in a rut for weeks and the more frustrated he got the harder it was to write. Changkyun and Hoseok knew he was upset and it was only a matter of time before the rest of the group noticed; before Minhyuk noticed.

Jooheon couldn't deal with the idea of Minhyuk being disappointed with him. It wasn’t the first time Jooheon hit a block but they very rarely last as long as this one had. He couldn't seem to think straight when he wrote, or find the proper emotions to put into the music, it all felt fake. Jooheon was so tired of writing love songs, especially when he's never even been in love. There's a difference between just liking someone and being in love, a difference between an easy fuck and a lasting relationship.

He adores Minhyuk, and he's positive it's the closest thing he's ever felt to love, but they aren't together, they can never be together, not when Minhyuk himself has said he's straight. The one song Jooheon would love to write is unrequited love, but Starship has told him no; Starship has told him no over, and over, and over again. A song about unrequited love would be the best kind of love song he could write, it wouldn't be shallow and fake the way his other love songs appear to be in his own mind. Even a sexual song like blind would have been easier than the mess he was in now.

Jooheon has been considering just handing the reigns over to Hoseok for this song. Hoseok has the most experience out of all of them and is by far the most open minded. The company said they can cut out pronouns if they want, but if the members are contributing to a song they're not allowed to use male pronouns, not until they gain more popularity. Jooheon assumes Starship doesn't want to risk more scandals this early in their careers, but that doesn't mean it isn't frustrating to him, Hoseok, and Hyungwon. All three of them want to be more inclusive for their male fans and give more hints to what their orientations are without officially coming out. There's too much risk in coming out, no matter how accepting society is now compared to just five years ago.

Of course none of that really matters when Jooheon can't even bring himself to write; he's been considering defying Starship and writing the unrequited love song regardless of what they want. There have been times where he wrote something and they accepted it despite originally saying no, but there's also been times where they’ve throw it back in his face and called it shit. Jooheon isn't sure if he's ready to deal with that kind of rejection with the way he's been struggling.

He ruffles his hair and rolls over in bed, groaning into his pillow as he tries to sort out his decision, he knows the only way to break his block is to write the song he want's but he isn't sure how he'll bounce back from this if they reject him again. He huffs and lightly hits his pillow, stilling when he hears the door creak open.

"Jooheon?” Hyungwon’s voice rings in his ears, making him perk up a little. Hyungwon was always a welcome source of comfort, regardless of how much of a shit he could be at times. 

“What’s up?” Jooheon asks, rolling onto his side so he could look at Hyungwon. The dancer comes into the room when Jooheon speaks up, closing the door behind him.

“Uh…” Hyungwon glances down and approaches the bed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well you looked upset when you came home with the others, so I asked Changkyun if something happened and he told me you’ve had writers block for a while.”

Jooheon groans at Hyungwon’s response and buries his face into his pillow, he couldn’t believe Changkyun actually told Hyungwon he had writers block. It wasn’t a secret but that doesn't mean he wants it shared. “Why does it matter to bring it up?” Jooheon questions, turning his face towards Hyungwon again, a pout gracing his soft features. 

“Well,” Hyungwon starts, sitting down on the bed next to Jooheon. “The last time you hit a block this bad it was because of Minhyuk... so I wanted to see if you were okay or needed anything.” Hyungwon says, shifting his eyes down to Jooheon. He was clearly uncomfortable with being so straightforward about wanting to help Jooheon, normally he took a more subtle path or would go for casual skinship. The only time Hyungwon went out of his way like this was if he knew one of the other members needed it, and Jooheon appreciates it a lot; even if he really doesn’t want to talk about his feelings for Minhyuk.

“I’ll be ok,” Jooheon replies, sitting up in bed and resting his chin on Hyungwon’s shoulder. “But I could use some advice honestly.” Hyungwon turns slightly, pulling his shoulder away from Jooheon so he could look at the other, gently taking ahold of his hand. 

“Whats up, Jooheonie?” Hyungwon asks, squeezing his hand in reassurance.

“I’m trying to decide if I should defy the company or not,” Jooheon pauses, looking at Hyungwon from under his eyelashes, the other giving him a soft nod to continue. “The companies told me I can’t write an unrequited love song, but I know it’ll help bring me out of my block.”

“Why not just keep the song to yourself then? The company doesn’t need to know you wrote it,” Hyungwon questions, his brow furrowing when he tilts his head to the side. 

“I’ll feel like I’m quitting if I don’t show the company the song after I finish it.” Hyungwon makes a little ‘ah’ sound at Jooheon’s response, understanding clear on his face. “I’m afraid that if they reject it my block will get worse, that’s what happened the last time I wrote what I wanted to get over a block caused by the companys demands.” Jooheon sighs and leans forward, resting his forehead against Hyungwon’s chest. “I’m tired Hyungwonie.”

Hyungwon scoots forward on the bed, wrapping his arms loosely around Jooheon’s frame, placing his chin on the crown of his head. “I think you should write it anyways, because even if the company rejects it we’ll be here to catch you when you fall. You aren’t alone here Heonie,” Hyungwon admonishes softly, rubbing little circles into the small of Jooheon’s back. “The only way to step forward is to put yourself out there and risk the chance of rejection.” 

Jooheon sighs and nods, relaxing fully into Hyungwon’s chest, allowing himself to be held like a baby. He was truly enjoying the small change of pace in his and Hyungwon’s friendship. They didn’t have many sweet moments but they were always time’s he was fond of, especially since they were few and far between. “I’ll write it then,” Jooheon says, wrapping his arms around Hyungwon’s waist. “But I’ll start tomorrow, I just want to sleep right now.” 

“Do you want me to leave?” Hyungwon asks, pulling back slightly to look down at Jooheon. 

“You can stay if you want, I think cuddling would be nice right now,” Jooheon says, looking down out of self consciousness. 

“I’m tired anyways so that's fine,” Hyungwon says, a teasing edge to his voice as he pokes Jooheon in the side. Jooheon quickly pulls away from Hyungwon in response, a tiny giggle escaping past his lips at the attack. He holds his hands up in front of himself in a show of defense and gives him a sour look, pursing his lips at the other. Glaring at Hyungwon for a few seconds before he deems it safe to lay down, scooting next to the wall to give Hyungwon room. Hyungwon lays down next to Jooheon and gets comfortable before placing his hand on Jooheon’s forearm, squeezing it gently.

“Thank you,” Jooheon whispers. Hyungwon wraps his arms around the rapper as he gets comfortable. He shakes his head and squeezes Jooheon’s side, a soft smile gracing his face, his cheeks bunching up as he does so. 

“I just want to help Heonie,” Hyungwon whispers, he leans forward and presses a soft kiss to Jooheon’s forehead. “Now go to sleep or shut up I want to sleep.” 

Jooheon laughs at Hyungwon’s response, unsurprised that he finally broke the soft moment. “Good night Hyungwonie,” Jooheon whispers, closing his eyes and leaning into the other's chest, finally relaxing and trying to let go of his worries.


End file.
